Empathy!

I get excited about empathy. It’s a simple concept that takes practice. Every time you review it, you figure it out a bit more. It’s different from sympathy, as Brene Brown illustrates here. And use of it leads to better clinical outcomes (here).

Empathy is connecting with someone and with what they see and feel. It’s like standing with them inside their house and looking out the same window while they describe what they are seeing. It’s logically understanding how they are experiencing the world, then finding a time where you have felt similarly (though the details may be different), and compassionately communicating this to them. By doing this, you create a space for them to have their experience. You let them know you are right there with them; they are not alone. This promotes acceptance, connection, healing. What an honor, right? To be able to do this for a fellow human being in their moment of need.

Earlier in my work career, I thought I was using empathy because I felt bad for every person with whom I worked. The people I serve often have had trauma in their childhood, then enlist in the military and have trauma there, only to discharge and experience hardships like homelessness, mental illness and addiction. In retrospect, I think I was somatically feeling what they were feeling, or at times, simply feeling pity. Neither of which are inherently bad. But it was hard for me to sustain personally; the emotional cost was significant. Shifting my approach has been more sustainable and more personally meaningful. (By the way, one of my favorite modalities which supports this kind of empathy is Motivational Interviewing.)

Talk to me: how have you been learning about empathy? I love hearing about the different ways people utilize it.