It’s that time of year again—empathy month! (And if you’re wondering, yes, I am still convinced that empathy is the most important skill a therapist can develop.)

Last year, I leaned heavily on Bonnie Badenoch’s work, and I stand by it. Her insights on presence and relational neuroscience remain essential. But this year, I want to widen the lens a bit and explore how we, as therapists, can deliberately get better at empathy.

Why Empathy Needs Practice

Empathy isn’t just something we "have" or don’t—it’s a muscle that requires ongoing attention, reflection, and practice. And like any other skill, we can refine it, deepen it, and expand our capacity for it. But how?

Ways to Deepen Empathy as a Therapist

1. Embodied Empathy: Connecting Through the Nervous System

Therapists often rely on cognitive empathy (understanding a client’s experience), but affective and somatic empathy (feeling it in our own bodies) can be just as important.

• Resource: The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana—this book offers practical ways to attune to clients’ nervous systems and respond in a way that co-regulates, rather than just reflects.

• Try This: Before sessions, do a 2-minute body scan. Check where you're holding tension and notice how it shifts throughout the session. Is your nervous system subtly responding to the client’s state?

2. Micro-Moments of Empathy: Slowing Down in Session

Therapists often feel pressure to “move therapy forward,” but deep empathy happens in the small pauses—the moments where we resist rushing to solutions and instead, fully sit with a client’s pain.

• Resource: The Zen of Therapy by Mark Epstein—this book explores how presence (rather than problem-solving) creates profound therapeutic change.

• Try This: Pick one session this week where your focus is solely on tracking moments of emotional resonance—where do you feel connected? When does the client feel more seen?

3. Practice, Practice, Practice

It’s easy to be empathetic when clients are vulnerable, insightful, or eager to engage. But what about the clients who test our patience, trigger our biases, or remain resistant? This won’t surprise you, but I think the answer is to practice our skills!

• Resource: Deliberate Practice with Empathic Understanding. Created by Sentio University, this handout has really great exercises for you to try with a friend or colleague. If you scroll to the bottom you’ll see the answers!

• Try This: Reflect on a client who challenges your empathy. Think of the moment right when you feel the challenge. Write down three different responses you can try with them next time you meet. Practice those different responses.

Your Turn: Reflecting on Empathy in Your Work

Think back to a recent session where you felt your empathy really clicked, when you knew you deeply understood the client in a way that mattered.

• What was happening in the moment?

• How did the client respond?

• What allowed you to access empathy so fully?

• Was it your mindset, the relational dynamic, or something about the client?

Let’s keep building this skill together. I’d love to hear your reflections, and if you have other resources that have helped you cultivate empathy, drop them in the comments!

Happy empathy month. Let’s keep practicing.